What Did You Do to the Floor?!

Grandpa had a strategy when we were growing up that I think is quite common.  When we would hurt ourselves and were crying he’d redirect our attention to something else.  For example, if we tripped and fell he’d say, “Is the chair ok?”  Or the floor, or the toy, or whatever other object was a party to the accident.

In the short-term this is a really good strategy in that it pretty much always works, short of serious injury.

But, with a bird’s eye view, I can now witness how in my (FOO) family of origin, just as in the culture at large, we’ve traded short-term successes at the cost of long-term thriving.

Now that I’m a woman, as the French say—‘of a certain age’— I understand the hidden costs of this short-term fix.  It’s taken many years and many, many hours of research and unraveling to mend this deleterious aspect of my upbringing.  Me, like all of life, is a work-in-progress.

I know some will just shake their heads thinking I’m blaming others for all my problems in life.  It’s really not about that at all.  Blame is irrelevant to me.  I seek wisdom.  And healing.  For myself, for others and for the world.

I’ll even take that one step further.  I think if Grandpa were listening to me take him to task over this from somewhere in the great beyond, he’d be proud of me for standing up to him in his past life.  Because he knows it’s for the greater good.  I truly believe the dead don’t give a flying hoot about their misdeeds once in the afterlife.  They are beyond body and therefore beyond ego.  I can’t even imagine the possibility that he’s out there somewhere still trying to be right and almighty.  I can actually hear him laughing at that idea, and he had a great laugh. 

So, here’s to you, Gramps.  These have been the long-term effects for me, which I’ve been consistently healing and re-training:  Not paying attention to my own pain before it gets severe.  Discounting my internal experiences and knowing too often.  Minimizing and bypassing physical sensations, especially danger.  Burying my intuition.  Misdirecting anger.  Having more compassion for others, and sometimes even animals and objects, than I do my own well-being.  Not asking for help or support enough.  Isolating excessively during times of deep pain.

That’s my personal list of the largely unspoken long-term effects (trauma) of gaslighting in childhood.  I’m certainly not alone in feeling the repercussions of this brand of parenting.  Even with mild levels of those raised in family circumstances where there was consistent gaslighting the offspring often end up repeating these toxic patterns in their own relationships and parenting styles.  It’s emotional and intellectual manipulation and it’s so pervasive in our culture that it’s rarely addressed.  

Until lately.

I see this changing so much now, not just in myself, but really lighting a fire in the entire culture, with vast amounts of material available online and in print to help folks recognize these techniques, heal from them, and eventually, to become such a rockstar at navigating your own reality that you’ll never get fooled again.

To me this is the most positive sign in these troubled times.  To me it means nothing less than an enlightenment of those who are strong enough, and diligent enough, to see through the gaslighters’ fog and to realize we’ve been serving dysfunctional and narcissistic individuals, institutions, and indeed an entire toxic system, of power abuse. And this must stop, in our own lives, and in the world at large.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful.

The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Self-Therapy by Jay Earley

The best YT channels on the topic along with Ross Rosenberg, in my opinion, so far, because the numbers are growing rapidly:

 

If psychology and self-help books and videos aren’t right for you, I’ve got another suggestion that will probably sound crazy to a lot of folks.  It did to me, before I tried it, several years ago now, on the advice of a therapist:  Learn the Tarot cards.

They’ve become like buoys in the ocean to me.

Of everything I’ve tried so far, this has been the single-most helpful for me personally.  They have the power to put you in far deeper touch with the archetypes of your own psyche and the consciousness of the world.  Not only are they engrossing and insightful, they’re pretty fun, too.  At least I think so!

Of course, as with everything, you need a really great teacher.

If you want, you can borrow mine.  🙂

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Michael Tsarion

Path of the Fool: Meanings of the Major and Minor Arcana

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The Vice of Kings: A Book Review

The Vice of Kings: How Socialism, Occultism, and the Sexual Revolution Engineered a Culture of Abuse by Jasun Horsley

On the pervasiveness of child sexual abuse and trafficking in the global culture, Horsley’s book adds a critical dimension of insight.  Examining his own upbringing in elite, or at least wannabe elite circles, he weaves an intricate tapestry of how these deplorable practices have come to be accepted and even to proliferate in our modern era.

From the back cover: “The Vice of Kings maps the shadowy intersection between progressive politics, psychosexual research, intelligence programs, behavior modification, occult ritual and philosophy, and organized child abuse, to reveal long-term social and cultural engineering goals throughout the twentieth and twenty-first centuries.”

This book is a conspirology, to use his own terminology.  In it he takes the ‘whistleblower’s path’  which is a path I deeply respect, but which socially, as he rightly claims is: “the lowest and most despised station of all, a traitor not just to my class but to my blood—a dirty rat.”

“To bring it down to very simple terms, and to what I know for sure: The conspiratorial legacy I have inherited is that my father hated his father and was never able, or willing, to tell us why. He died still hating him, perhaps partially because he could never talk about the reasons why.  My brother also hated his father, and likewise died with (into?) that hatred. I am the last man standing, left staring at a powerful ancestral bond of hatred that, like Shakespeare, goes back countless generations. To begin to understand how and why this bond was created is to start to dissolve the hatred with understanding, which is the first stirring of love. But it also means looking more closely at the reasons for that hatred, and so finding the source of it.  And the closest, most immediate source is right here and now, within myself.”

He discusses at length the influence of The Fabian Society, well-known to conspiracy researches as the ‘wolf in sheep’s clothing’ of social engineering groups, displayed proudly on their ‘logo’. 

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I became interested in his work hearing this interview on Skeptiko: https://skeptiko.com/jasun-horsley-socio-spiritual-engineering-392/

“The prevalence of child sexual abuse in our society is a bitter pill to swallow. The idea that it could be organized, systemic and intentional (part of a ‘hidden policy’) is a whole bottle of bitterness.  Correlation does not equal causation; just because we can map an interest in promoting the idea of child sexuality, or in prematurely sexualizing children through various forms of interference, or, most disturbingly of all, in using the psychological trauma (stress) of sexual abuse to ‘crack’ psyches open and thereby shape culture at large, none of this proves that widespread child sexual abuse is a direct result of these interests or agendas. But I trust even the most skeptical reader will allow for some relation between the two.”

I’ve found this book to be a valuable contribution in navigating the shadowy world of the swamp creatures where the culture-shapers roam.

https://ruthiemmp.wordpress.com/2017/01/27/children-overly-exposed-to-hyper-sexualization-in-every-aspect-of-their-life-through-advertisement-clothing-and-accessories-toys-games-movies-televisionmusicsocial-media/

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Totally normal, nothing wrong here, the kids love playing dress-up, that’s all.

Feminine Psychology (part 1)

A new series for me, quite inspired actually, and not at all unrelated to our themes here on the wee homestead, even though that may not appear as immediately obvious. 

We’re going to approach it in a completely non-confrontational, voluntary, super simple journey. KISS—keep it simple, stupid! 

How does nature form the divine feminine?

Jolene by Dolly Parton

Are her fears valid?
Does she spend her precious life energy protecting herself and her family from the perceived “Jolene”? 


How does she do this—a boob job at 60? Bleached hair? Botox to make her eyes look brighter?  How much time does she offer to her gods?

Maybe surrounding herself with only admirers, to boost her perceived public value?  Maybe shaming attractive women who dare to compete? Maybe rebuffing conversations that make her uncomfortable?  Maybe by using her charm to get out of yet another traffic ticket?

How does Hollywood exploit your/her vulnerabilities?

How has this level of exploitation been venerated?

How do you give this level of low-brow passion-play manipulation a free pass to your psyche every damn day?  Through your music, your soap operas, your cruise vacations, your TV programming, your social media?

And don’t pretend it started with flocking Instagram, bitches!  Your mothers were raised on Harlequin and Shirley Temple. Get a bloody grip.

Compete with “perfect”.

YAY!

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The Age of the Vampire

What level of tyranny is just comfortable enough for you?

From John Whitehead’s commentary: The American Gestapo: Has it Already Happened Here?

“Much like the Gestapo’s power to render anyone an enemy of the state, the FBI has the power to label anyone a domestic terrorist.
As part of the government’s so-called ongoing war on terror, the nation’s de facto secret police force has begun using the terms “anti-government,” “extremist” and “terrorist” interchangeably.

Moreover, the government continues to add to its growing list of characteristics that can be used to identify an individual (especially anyone who disagrees with the government) as a potential domestic terrorist. For instance, you might be a domestic terrorist in the eyes of the FBI (and its network of snitches) if you:

  • express libertarian philosophies (statements, bumper stickers)
  • exhibit Second Amendment-oriented views (NRA or gun club membership)
  • read survivalist literature, including apocalyptic fictional books
  • show signs of self-sufficiency (stockpiling food, ammo, hand tools, medical supplies)
  • fear an economic collapse
  • buy gold and barter items
  • subscribe to religious views concerning the book of Revelation
  • voice fears about Big Brother or big government
  • expound about constitutional rights and civil liberties
  • believe in a New World Order conspiracy

Much like the Gestapo infiltrated communities in order to spy on the German citizenry, the FBI routinely infiltrates political and religious groups, as well as businesses.”

Some day soon we will all have to draw our proverbial line in the sand.  Laws must be universally applied, by rich and poor, by the powerful as the disenfranchised, and by the lawless as the law-abiding.  If those making the laws don’t follow them, then we are all living a charade.  And please, make no mistake about it, they want us living in a fantasy-based reality while they usurp the entire natural world.

This is exactly what the establishment is pawning and now what we the little folk have come to accept.  The establishment ‘intellectuals’ tell us such ludicrous lies and blatant baloney, like we should accept Vampirism, and we shrug and say, “Ok, whatever you say!”

FYI: 1905 Webster Dictionary definition of Vampire—from Vampyr, an imaginary demon from Greek mythology and “the practice of extortion”.  Get it yet?!

Your silence is your acceptance.

“How did the Gestapo become the terror of the Third Reich?

It did so by creating a sophisticated surveillance and law enforcement system that relied for its success on the cooperation of the military, the police, the intelligence community, neighborhood watchdogs, government workers for the post office and railroads, ordinary civil servants, and a nation of snitches inclined to report “rumors, deviant behavior, or even just loose talk.”
In other words, ordinary citizens working with government agents helped create the monster that became Nazi Germany.

Writing for the New York Times, Barry Ewen paints a particularly chilling portrait of how an entire nation becomes complicit in its own downfall by looking the other way:
In what may be his most provocative statement, [author Eric A.] Johnson says that ‘‘most Germans may not even have realized until very late in the war, if ever, that they were living in a vile dictatorship.’’

This is not to say that they were unaware of the Holocaust; Johnson demonstrates that millions of Germans must have known at least some of the truth. But, he concludes, ‘‘a tacit Faustian bargain was struck between the regime and the citizenry.’’ The government looked the other way when petty crimes were being committed. Ordinary Germans looked the other way when Jews were being rounded up and murdered; they abetted one of the greatest crimes of the 20th century not through active collaboration but through passivity, denial and indifference.

Much like the German people, “we the people” have become passive, polarized, gullible, easily manipulated, and lacking in critical thinking skills.  Distracted by entertainment spectacles, politics and screen devices, we too are complicit, silent partners in creating a police state similar to the terror practiced by former regimes.”  JW

Thelema Trumps Agape?

Passion is not chaos.  Drama is not intimacy.  Love is not Care.
I am not you.  You are not we.

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If you insist my blood, sweat and tears be used to line your pockets, then I will instead choose to fertilize the roses with them.

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If you insist I choose your laws over my own well-being then I will break those laws by every means, hook or crook.

If you insist I donate my organs to serve your nefarious aims, then those organs will come to you riddled with the poisons I willfully ingest, that I gorge on simply for the pleasure of poisoning your agenda deeper in return.

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If you insist I offer my thoughts to you, measured, tempered, on your silver platter, twisted in pretty plaits and coated in marzipan, thine will be done, my Lord and Master, but their bitter core you will still ingest.

So still we dance that macabre dance, mon seigneur.

Right the Wrongs

We have all been misguided, of that I have not a shred of doubt anymore.  Our culture, our history, our news, our entertainment, our religions, our future, have been fabricated and falsified and manipulated in such horrific ways as most folks can hardly fathom.

And it’s going to get worse.  This is not some apocalyptic vision of mine, there are plenty of those going around, and for a very long time.  Forever, even.  I’m a tiny fraction of a grain of sand in that vast hourglass.

“. . . A clown-like, grinning mockery of the victim(s) as a show of power and macabre arrogance.  When this is performed in a veiled manner, accompanied by certain occult signs and symbolic words and elicits no meaningful response of opposition or resistance from the target(s), it is one of the most efficacious techniques of psychological warfare and mind-rape.”  —Michael Hoffman, Secret Societies and Psychological Warfare

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We can lay blame, and I often do, on our own selves, as well as others.  I didn’t invent society, I can’t change the shit-show I was born into, that was fate, or something.  You can complain your shit-show was worse, or better, and I won’t argue.  I imagine most folks around the world had it much worse, or better, for whatever that means.

When faced with this truth, the truth that we’ve all bought a pack of lies, we don’t have a lot of choice on how we react—anger, resentment, bitterness, confusion, frustration, apathy, hope, forgiveness, fear—the list goes on.  I know all these reactions have value, I take them seriously, I dismiss none of them as of more or less value than another.

 

But when they are not a transitory state, but where one then chooses to reside, we’ve allowed the reaction to dissolve action.  We must make great effort to move from the reaction to the response.

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Our response, not our reaction, is what defines our humanity.  Every animal will react in fight, flight, fawn, freeze, in order to save their own skin, unless they are impaired.

Human nature has a higher calling.  You stand for, you stand against, it doesn’t matter, you’ve got to take a stand.  Once you’ve taken a stand, you know you fall, you know what falling feels like.  That is the wisdom of the gods.

A boxer once told me, while I was cringing, trying to be polite in delicately couching the fact that I hate his so-called sport — “Boxers don’t train to fight.  We train to get back up.”

I was flabbergasted at the wisdom in that simple statement, which I’d never considered before, and with which he was able to so tactically and efficaciously respond to my reaction.

I think of this now, because, as much as I never liked sports, or games, still I’m somehow wired to think strategy.  I was born into a game I don’t understand, which no one gave me the tools or teachings to navigate, but to which I was expected to adapt nonetheless.  At some point I chose, and still choose, to not simply adapt.

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I’m weakening, physically, but my mind and tongue are still sharp enough to benefit where age and injury weigh me down.  I think that’s a sign of one’s wisdom years, now beckoning me to return to the studies that will find new meaning in re-engagement, with now decades of life experience to inform on their deeper meanings and interpretations.

I feel blessed for this time and space and luxury to reconsider.

Healing Wounds Right

That I knew she was a life-squasher from first glance, no one cares.

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One encounter and I knew I was dealing with a CON at some level.  But how, but where?  It’s just a hunch, I must be wrong.  They always call me wrong.

She was showered with love and swooning in approval.  Not to mention charming beyond all reason.  I should like her anyway, because that’s what we do, in our clan.

Besides, she was all that he wanted, that any man could conceivably want: Beautiful, caring, young, gregarious, doting, etc., etc.

That I talked to her, privately, intimating, questioning her ever so delicately, which I can be just as efficacious at as I can be badgering mercilessly.  No one cares.

There’s consensus, we’ve aligned with it, and if you ask a single unsavory question, you will be met with the total indignation of our collective clan wrath. 

How dare you sense what we can’t see!  We do not agree, missy!

But, wait, what about me?  When I march along I’m blessed, but when I disagree I’m pitied?  I’m castrated?  I’m eye-rolled out of existence? That speaks much more of y’all than it does of me.

You say you love me, care about me, have protected me and yet . . . My senses are routinely dismissed, and completely subjugated under your defenses. 

Do you care how it feels for me, really, to sense these things, to remember these things, while being systematically dismissed by those who say they love and care?

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Don’t rock our boat!  Well, that proves right there you are narcissistic and selfish! And a bully! A bully is rocking our boat of perfect delusions and illusions! STOP HER!

And yet, the truth will set ME free.  I will, at last, be able to force that 300 pound laughing man off my lap, for once, and for all! Once every person in my life who finds this acceptable is OUT, breathe will return to me once again.

The liars will scatter, and even fear.  

Heaven on MY hearth.