Re-Balance & Re-Tune

“What do you do when things go from bad to worse?”

I was asked that question a couple months ago after the “tornado” hit our property by a man whose work I follow, Jason Lindgren.  I consider the work he does with Crrow777 to be very inspiring.

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So, pray tell, wise man, what do I do with a dozen fallen trees?

It’s not at all inspiring in the vein of Ram Dass quotes and vision boards and self-help mantras.  You might even argue it’s the opposite, more often than not.  Not that it’s nihilistic ‘slash and burn’ either, but more like, ‘tastefully deconstruct and reconsider.’

These guys have heard it all, I’m sure.  Nut jobs, shills, conspiracy theorists would be on the mild side.

I see something quite different, typical.  They’ve recently filmed a documentary called “Shoot the Moon” — about the lunar wave — quite à propos, no?

I see determination, resilience, fortitude, creativity—all qualities I consider to be deliciously rare.  Others see ‘crazy’ where I see ‘courageous.’

Most of all, I see care.  Authentic care.

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“What a good question,” I replied at the time. 

I really had not a clue at that moment and was still in a state of mental and emotional chaos, which had my conscious thoughts and unconscious feelings ALL over the place.

Of course, when I’m all over the place I drag Hubby all over the place with me, which surely isn’t the reason why he’s been working so much overtime, right?? 🙂

“Let’s sell it all and move to Mexico!” was at the top of my list at the time of that astute question.  Folks don’t ask a lot of good questions, even the well-meaning ones.  Mostly I hear useless platitudes, like these Ram Dass quotes, and even actual arguments about how they think I should be feeling.  

To be absolutely frank in a ‘too much information’ sort of way I’m sure to regret at some point, I think what happened to my psyche right after the latest weather disaster was what the shrinks would call ‘complex PTSD’.

Yes, I’m self-diagnosing from the Internet.  But, the symptoms fit, and the worst of it came out in flooding of somatic memories that were totally overpowering and illogical and unwelcome, along with intense anxiety, nightmares and terrors, paranoia, depression, loss of sense of stability and control, and so on.

These weren’t overpowering memories just from the previous two disasters, Hurricanes Katrina and Ike, they went much further back.  They wen’t so far back sometimes that I couldn’t really tell if they were ‘all mine’ alone, but that doesn’t matter one bit, because they were terrifying and I was feeling them as if they were currently happening to me, alone.

I mostly isolate in such times, because I feel if nothing else, I don’t want to take others down with me.  But also because I know from experience how badly the average person handles disaster, or grief, or anything remotely unpleasant or unsavory, so I feel I have little other choice.

I want to say now what I think really helped, now that I feel on the upswing once again.  It’s not because I think what helps me will help others necessarily, but you never know how adding to the reservoir of our individual coping and healing techniques could work for someone, somewhere, and I’ve got a great big hunch more folks are going to need more such resources for the coming decades.

What’s working for me, what have been my buoys in the darkness?

Not those typically espoused by those who think they know, like ‘get out and socialize’ or ‘join a club’ or ‘try these meds’ or even meditate or try a new hobby.

Jason’s simple question—spontaneous, honest, rhetorical—gave me a point of focus I expect he never intended, but was able to offer to a virtual stranger, out of . . . I don’t really know . . . empathy, curiosity, tact?

A few other things helped too.  I consulted an astrologer for the first time in my life.  https://readingsbyyerevan.com/

I decided (again) my first responsibility is to my own well-being, which should be obvious, but I often forget it.

This blog helped, the folks who support me in this blog helped.  I got to send my chaotic feelings into the ether, to be read or ignored as the reader saw fit, no obligation, but no expectations from me either.  That’s truly cathartic for me.

I’m taking herbal hormones and eating an even healthier diet than I typically do, just loading up more on the veggies and herbs and lightening up on the chips and fries.  That part has been pretty painless.

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Isolating for me dramatically reduces stress, yet this is what all the experts say to never do.  I think that’s because they want the vulnerable to join cults and be in an even greater position of weakness to group-think and consensus trance and taking bad popular advice, like anti-depressants, for starters.

I’m not saying I’ve figured it all out or it’s all downhill from here, but I’ve added a few more tools to the box.

So, to answer your question, Jason, “What do you do when things go from bad to worse?”

I re-balance and re-tune, and if that goes well, I re-commit.  

I might still be down, but I’m not yet out.  And there’s no power, be it technocratic, dogmatic, omnipotent or otherwise, who’s going to force me from our land in this lifetime.  If it comes to push and shove, I go down with the ship. Period.

Stubborn?  Perhaps.
Inspired?  Definitely!

 

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America’s Next Top President

Oh goodie, the race is on again, I could hardly wait!  It’s so thrilling, isn’t it, choosing the next puppet who will lead us into endless wars?!  I’ll tell y’all, I just can’t get enough of it.  Every time it happens, I’m just amazed, and I LOVE to be amazed!

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Every one who knows me knows I just love to be amazed.  My exceptionally large fan base knows especially how much I adore one progressive candidate in particular, Marianne Williamson.

I met her, you know!  So COOL!  We had hotel rooms right next to each other for 3 whole nights, we’re like practically Besties!  I know I impressed her totally, because she spent at least five minutes telling me what I should do and who I should be.  It was so amazing!

Oprah loves her too, btw, so, she’s a shoe-in for sure!  I’m not sure if she was in the debate though, I can’t watch those events, it’s just too much excitement for me!  I’m breathless in minutes.  And you know, she’s a spiritual teacher approved of by the Club of Rome, so we all need to learn from her great gifts.  Like, yesterday, already!

Or, maybe. . . I don’t know, I could easily choose one from the other side too I find amazing in equal awesome ways.

But, it’s tough, there’s just soo much LOVE to go around, for ALL of them! Equally!

This lame attempt at satire inspired by a truly funny lady I hope you’ll check out pronto. 🙂

Here she is funny.

And here she is smart.  Now that’s talent, America!

 

 

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Do you have a favorite song?  Did you love it from the first moment, or did it grow on you?

Do you have a favorite hobby?  How did you find it?  Was it passed down to you from a parent or seem to appear from nowhere?

Have you ever doodled, maybe even just randomly while chatting on the phone?  What did you draw? Did you wonder why?

Have you ever pondered what makes your preferences your preferences?

When confronted with your obvious limitations have you ever said, “F*ck off!”?

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When you hear again and again, apparently sold with all the best of intentions the same menu:  You can’t control the weather; You can’t fight the government; You can’t be David against Goliath; You can’t conquer the dragons; You can’t rise above your lot . . . Have you ever said, “Excuse me, why the bloody hell not?!”

Some are most certainly doing it, so why not me?

You can call that a sense of entitlement if you want.  I call it something else entirely.