What Did You Do to the Floor?!

Grandpa had a strategy when we were growing up that I think is quite common.  When we would hurt ourselves and were crying he’d redirect our attention to something else.  For example, if we tripped and fell he’d say, “Is the chair ok?”  Or the floor, or the toy, or whatever other object was a party to the accident.

In the short-term this is a really good strategy in that it pretty much always works, short of serious injury.

But, with a bird’s eye view, I can now witness how in my (FOO) family of origin, just as in the culture at large, we’ve traded short-term successes at the cost of long-term thriving.

Now that I’m a woman, as the French say—‘of a certain age’— I understand the hidden costs of this short-term fix.  It’s taken many years and many, many hours of research and unraveling to mend this deleterious aspect of my upbringing.  Me, like all of life, is a work-in-progress.

I know some will just shake their heads thinking I’m blaming others for all my problems in life.  It’s really not about that at all.  Blame is irrelevant to me.  I seek wisdom.  And healing.  For myself, for others and for the world.

I’ll even take that one step further.  I think if Grandpa were listening to me take him to task over this from somewhere in the great beyond, he’d be proud of me for standing up to him in his past life.  Because he knows it’s for the greater good.  I truly believe the dead don’t give a flying hoot about their misdeeds once in the afterlife.  They are beyond body and therefore beyond ego.  I can’t even imagine the possibility that he’s out there somewhere still trying to be right and almighty.  I can actually hear him laughing at that idea, and he had a great laugh. 

So, here’s to you, Gramps.  These have been the long-term effects for me, which I’ve been consistently healing and re-training:  Not paying attention to my own pain before it gets severe.  Discounting my internal experiences and knowing too often.  Minimizing and bypassing physical sensations, especially danger.  Burying my intuition.  Misdirecting anger.  Having more compassion for others, and sometimes even animals and objects, than I do my own well-being.  Not asking for help or support enough.  Isolating excessively during times of deep pain.

That’s my personal list of the largely unspoken long-term effects (trauma) of gaslighting in childhood.  I’m certainly not alone in feeling the repercussions of this brand of parenting.  Even with mild levels of those raised in family circumstances where there was consistent gaslighting the offspring often end up repeating these toxic patterns in their own relationships and parenting styles.  It’s emotional and intellectual manipulation and it’s so pervasive in our culture that it’s rarely addressed.  

Until lately.

I see this changing so much now, not just in myself, but really lighting a fire in the entire culture, with vast amounts of material available online and in print to help folks recognize these techniques, heal from them, and eventually, to become such a rockstar at navigating your own reality that you’ll never get fooled again.

To me this is the most positive sign in these troubled times.  To me it means nothing less than an enlightenment of those who are strong enough, and diligent enough, to see through the gaslighters’ fog and to realize we’ve been serving dysfunctional and narcissistic individuals, institutions, and indeed an entire toxic system, of power abuse. And this must stop, in our own lives, and in the world at large.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful.

The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Self-Therapy by Jay Earley

The best YT channels on the topic along with Ross Rosenberg, in my opinion, so far, because the numbers are growing rapidly:

 

If psychology and self-help books and videos aren’t right for you, I’ve got another suggestion that will probably sound crazy to a lot of folks.  It did to me, before I tried it, several years ago now, on the advice of a therapist:  Learn the Tarot cards.

They’ve become like buoys in the ocean to me.

Of everything I’ve tried so far, this has been the single-most helpful for me personally.  They have the power to put you in far deeper touch with the archetypes of your own psyche and the consciousness of the world.  Not only are they engrossing and insightful, they’re pretty fun, too.  At least I think so!

Of course, as with everything, you need a really great teacher.

If you want, you can borrow mine.  🙂

63741E8D-E732-4F0F-A430-242BAAC65BBA

Michael Tsarion

Path of the Fool: Meanings of the Major and Minor Arcana

18AE5BEF-3733-4FED-9A5E-59AD77C5D51E

 

Feminine Psychology (Part 4)

Diana or Diva? Mary or Medusa?  Sinner or Saint?

Toxic femininity was the subject of the last post, so now I’d like to explore the opposite, what is Divine femininity?

It’s not at all easy to define the divine feminine through the eyes of the female, because much of its interpretation has come to us through the voices of men—whether that feminine is revered, as in Tantric writings, or reviled, as in much of the Roman writings and into the later religious traditions.

I offer this opinion simply to add to the growing conversation as a middle-aged woman coming late in life into a deep relationship with the land and nature.  I am still a novice, but an enthusiastic one.  The one thing I can say with certainty is this subject cannot be approached without including procreation, and therefore sexuality.

78F770BA-59A5-41D4-945D-32C92487DE3F

Before there was the Word, there was the land, and it was made and watched over by women.If Women Rose Rooted: The Journey to Authenticity and Belonging by Sharon Blackie

I believe the divine feminine can scarcely be found in modern civilization in our time.  At some point in our history the sacred marriage of the masculine-feminine partnership was usurped by the master-slave relationship.

Like many of their Eastern counterparts, Jewish, Christian, and Muslim mystical writings also tend to relegate the physical to an inferior place—so much so that in Christian mysticism the body is often viewed as intrinsically base.  And while the feminine is still sometimes idealized in the abstract (like the Shekinah of Hebrew Kabbalistic mysticism or the Christian Virgin Mary), woman, and particularly woman’s sexuality, is frequently presented as a danger to man.Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth, and the Politics of the Body—New Paths to Power and Love by Riane Eisler

Goddesses and female saints such as Brigit and Arianrod were dismissed, others such as Demetra are turned into males, others become hemaphrodites (in our time now called Intersex Individuals, or Transsexuals, and considered to be the pinnacle of human perfection—the reason why children are being taught a dozen new pronouns and ‘gender fluidity’ is being pushed across the global culture.) https://www.georgepetros.com/writings/gen/newherm.htm

“By minimizing the importance of what happens on Earth and counseling acceptance of suffering (and even its embrace) as a ticket to spiritual development and divine rewards after death, the Church not only distracted people’s minds and energies from seeking less oppressive social alternatives; it actively reinforced the hold of dominator institutions, beginning with the institutionalization of male dominance.  So when women equated love and bliss with submission and suffering, and when they saw martyrdom as their highest vocation, it was in part due to their indoctrination to view abject obedience and acceptance of suffering as the greatest womanly accomplishment.” 153 R.Eisler

4143BC53-37AD-4923-907E-4871AFD1B47B

Girls raised to believe they are ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’ become blind to their true gifts and crippled by their lack of power. 

Kindness, generosity, caring, cooperation, of course these are pleasant traits often attributed to good mothering, and positive aspects of femininity, but they are only divine when they are authentic.  They can just as easily be employed from a place of self-serving manipulation as they can in genuine concern for another’s well-being.

Gracious, thoughtful, considerate, charming, ok, but for their own sakes, for the sake of beauty and care and tenderness, not as tools to get ahead in the dominance game.

89E72C4C-B0A0-4BD8-B29B-AC1FD8298318

All our most divine-sounding characteristics have a dark side.  Take humility as an example.  In its negative aspects we get avoidance, passivity, dismissiveness.

The divine feminine is NOT passive, she is receptive, and that one word makes a vast world of difference.

How can you tell the difference?  In a culture where constructive criticism is considered hate-speech, that’s not easy.

In a nut-shell, if it comes with strings attached, it’s not genuine.  A gift is not a gift if it’s forced upon you, or if your approval and appreciation of said gift is a requirement.

One of the most obvious (invisible) strings is ‘image management’.  Your experience is devalued, minimized, rebuffed, or ignored.  She’s above criticism, she deflects or sobs or eye-rolls your thoughts and feelings away.  Her ego and personal comfort are more important than her loved ones’ well-being.

Looking good trumps being good.

Just turn on the television or open social media and you’ll have an avalanche of toxic examples to choose from.

Or, save yourself the torture and close your eyes and imagine what the only strings of the divine feminine might be.

Censorship Violates Consciousness

Our old paradigms of consciousness are shifting.  More and more we have the courageous scientists stepping out of their consensus trance, and one of the biggest is certainly Nassim Haramein.  I heard him first many years ago, and while he’s still way over my head, this interview helps to break down his theory to the lay audience.

While I can’t say how or why or if crystals work, or planets are hollow, or if the Fractal Systems Theory is the new Big Bang, I can agree on one fundamental aspect of the nature of the universe and of consciousness, and that is what the spiritualists once called ‘ether’ exists.  We are ‘informing’ the universe and it us in return at every nano-second.  I know this by studying nature, as did many of Haramein’s predecessors, like Viktor Shauburger and Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein.  You don’t have to be an actual renowned physicist, or a 19th century clairvoyant, you only have to start to recognize and appreciate the patterns of nature all around us.  There is an organizing principle, a higher law, and to bring this all back down to earth, this is why censorship is a crime.

We absolutely need more powerful individuals like this Google insider gone whistleblower to clean out these violations of natural law.

The voice and will of the people is what creates our reality, at every layer.

Right the Wrongs

We have all been misguided, of that I have not a shred of doubt anymore.  Our culture, our history, our news, our entertainment, our religions, our future, have been fabricated and falsified and manipulated in such horrific ways as most folks can hardly fathom.

And it’s going to get worse.  This is not some apocalyptic vision of mine, there are plenty of those going around, and for a very long time.  Forever, even.  I’m a tiny fraction of a grain of sand in that vast hourglass.

“. . . A clown-like, grinning mockery of the victim(s) as a show of power and macabre arrogance.  When this is performed in a veiled manner, accompanied by certain occult signs and symbolic words and elicits no meaningful response of opposition or resistance from the target(s), it is one of the most efficacious techniques of psychological warfare and mind-rape.”  —Michael Hoffman, Secret Societies and Psychological Warfare

8BC62B3E-374B-43E2-B324-B82B0C2DFA72

We can lay blame, and I often do, on our own selves, as well as others.  I didn’t invent society, I can’t change the shit-show I was born into, that was fate, or something.  You can complain your shit-show was worse, or better, and I won’t argue.  I imagine most folks around the world had it much worse, or better, for whatever that means.

When faced with this truth, the truth that we’ve all bought a pack of lies, we don’t have a lot of choice on how we react—anger, resentment, bitterness, confusion, frustration, apathy, hope, forgiveness, fear—the list goes on.  I know all these reactions have value, I take them seriously, I dismiss none of them as of more or less value than another.

 

But when they are not a transitory state, but where one then chooses to reside, we’ve allowed the reaction to dissolve action.  We must make great effort to move from the reaction to the response.

7591FFAF-6F5B-4FA2-954F-24C47AEE2589

Our response, not our reaction, is what defines our humanity.  Every animal will react in fight, flight, fawn, freeze, in order to save their own skin, unless they are impaired.

Human nature has a higher calling.  You stand for, you stand against, it doesn’t matter, you’ve got to take a stand.  Once you’ve taken a stand, you know you fall, you know what falling feels like.  That is the wisdom of the gods.

A boxer once told me, while I was cringing, trying to be polite in delicately couching the fact that I hate his so-called sport — “Boxers don’t train to fight.  We train to get back up.”

I was flabbergasted at the wisdom in that simple statement, which I’d never considered before, and with which he was able to so tactically and efficaciously respond to my reaction.

I think of this now, because, as much as I never liked sports, or games, still I’m somehow wired to think strategy.  I was born into a game I don’t understand, which no one gave me the tools or teachings to navigate, but to which I was expected to adapt nonetheless.  At some point I chose, and still choose, to not simply adapt.

47A16A01-8C15-43FB-916E-177B9960A1EA

I’m weakening, physically, but my mind and tongue are still sharp enough to benefit where age and injury weigh me down.  I think that’s a sign of one’s wisdom years, now beckoning me to return to the studies that will find new meaning in re-engagement, with now decades of life experience to inform on their deeper meanings and interpretations.

I feel blessed for this time and space and luxury to reconsider.

Re-Balance & Re-Tune

“What do you do when things go from bad to worse?”

I was asked that question a couple months ago after the “tornado” hit our property by a man whose work I follow, Jason Lindgren.  I consider the work he does with Crrow777 to be very inspiring.

6E255DFE-6DEA-4CCB-BD21-D4BD1137473B
So, pray tell, wise man, what do I do with a dozen fallen trees?

It’s not at all inspiring in the vein of Ram Dass quotes and vision boards and self-help mantras.  You might even argue it’s the opposite, more often than not.  Not that it’s nihilistic ‘slash and burn’ either, but more like, ‘tastefully deconstruct and reconsider.’

These guys have heard it all, I’m sure.  Nut jobs, shills, conspiracy theorists would be on the mild side.

I see something quite different, typical.  They’ve recently filmed a documentary called “Shoot the Moon” — about the lunar wave — quite à propos, no?

I see determination, resilience, fortitude, creativity—all qualities I consider to be deliciously rare.  Others see ‘crazy’ where I see ‘courageous.’

Most of all, I see care.  Authentic care.

370EE2EA-1FD0-4E58-88D7-790B37B731E3

“What a good question,” I replied at the time. 

I really had not a clue at that moment and was still in a state of mental and emotional chaos, which had my conscious thoughts and unconscious feelings ALL over the place.

Of course, when I’m all over the place I drag Hubby all over the place with me, which surely isn’t the reason why he’s been working so much overtime, right?? 🙂

“Let’s sell it all and move to Mexico!” was at the top of my list at the time of that astute question.  Folks don’t ask a lot of good questions, even the well-meaning ones.  Mostly I hear useless platitudes, like these Ram Dass quotes, and even actual arguments about how they think I should be feeling.  

To be absolutely frank in a ‘too much information’ sort of way I’m sure to regret at some point, I think what happened to my psyche right after the latest weather disaster was what the shrinks would call ‘complex PTSD’.

Yes, I’m self-diagnosing from the Internet.  But, the symptoms fit, and the worst of it came out in flooding of somatic memories that were totally overpowering and illogical and unwelcome, along with intense anxiety, nightmares and terrors, paranoia, depression, loss of sense of stability and control, and so on.

These weren’t overpowering memories just from the previous two disasters, Hurricanes Katrina and Ike, they went much further back.  They wen’t so far back sometimes that I couldn’t really tell if they were ‘all mine’ alone, but that doesn’t matter one bit, because they were terrifying and I was feeling them as if they were currently happening to me, alone.

I mostly isolate in such times, because I feel if nothing else, I don’t want to take others down with me.  But also because I know from experience how badly the average person handles disaster, or grief, or anything remotely unpleasant or unsavory, so I feel I have little other choice.

I want to say now what I think really helped, now that I feel on the upswing once again.  It’s not because I think what helps me will help others necessarily, but you never know how adding to the reservoir of our individual coping and healing techniques could work for someone, somewhere, and I’ve got a great big hunch more folks are going to need more such resources for the coming decades.

What’s working for me, what have been my buoys in the darkness?

Not those typically espoused by those who think they know, like ‘get out and socialize’ or ‘join a club’ or ‘try these meds’ or even meditate or try a new hobby.

Jason’s simple question—spontaneous, honest, rhetorical—gave me a point of focus I expect he never intended, but was able to offer to a virtual stranger, out of . . . I don’t really know . . . empathy, curiosity, tact?

A few other things helped too.  I consulted an astrologer for the first time in my life.  https://readingsbyyerevan.com/

I decided (again) my first responsibility is to my own well-being, which should be obvious, but I often forget it.

This blog helped, the folks who support me in this blog helped.  I got to send my chaotic feelings into the ether, to be read or ignored as the reader saw fit, no obligation, but no expectations from me either.  That’s truly cathartic for me.

I’m taking herbal hormones and eating an even healthier diet than I typically do, just loading up more on the veggies and herbs and lightening up on the chips and fries.  That part has been pretty painless.

0EA0A2B8-8247-46F9-8F23-C3A1A5D0B416

Isolating for me dramatically reduces stress, yet this is what all the experts say to never do.  I think that’s because they want the vulnerable to join cults and be in an even greater position of weakness to group-think and consensus trance and taking bad popular advice, like anti-depressants, for starters.

I’m not saying I’ve figured it all out or it’s all downhill from here, but I’ve added a few more tools to the box.

So, to answer your question, Jason, “What do you do when things go from bad to worse?”

I re-balance and re-tune, and if that goes well, I re-commit.  

I might still be down, but I’m not yet out.  And there’s no power, be it technocratic, dogmatic, omnipotent or otherwise, who’s going to force me from our land in this lifetime.  If it comes to push and shove, I go down with the ship. Period.

Stubborn?  Perhaps.
Inspired?  Definitely!

 

616DC899-2A5F-406A-BA3E-F08AB8DDEC68

America’s Next Top President

Oh goodie, the race is on again, I could hardly wait!  It’s so thrilling, isn’t it, choosing the next puppet who will lead us into endless wars?!  I’ll tell y’all, I just can’t get enough of it.  Every time it happens, I’m just amazed, and I LOVE to be amazed!

BA32BE47-F60A-4683-AE98-5072F9D377E2

Every one who knows me knows I just love to be amazed.  My exceptionally large fan base knows especially how much I adore one progressive candidate in particular, Marianne Williamson.

I met her, you know!  So COOL!  We had hotel rooms right next to each other for 3 whole nights, we’re like practically Besties!  I know I impressed her totally, because she spent at least five minutes telling me what I should do and who I should be.  It was so amazing!

Oprah loves her too, btw, so, she’s a shoe-in for sure!  I’m not sure if she was in the debate though, I can’t watch those events, it’s just too much excitement for me!  I’m breathless in minutes.  And you know, she’s a spiritual teacher approved of by the Club of Rome, so we all need to learn from her great gifts.  Like, yesterday, already!

Or, maybe. . . I don’t know, I could easily choose one from the other side too I find amazing in equal awesome ways.

But, it’s tough, there’s just soo much LOVE to go around, for ALL of them! Equally!

This lame attempt at satire inspired by a truly funny lady I hope you’ll check out pronto. 🙂

Here she is funny.

And here she is smart.  Now that’s talent, America!

 

 

The Wisdom to Know the Difference

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Do you have a favorite song?  Did you love it from the first moment, or did it grow on you?

Do you have a favorite hobby?  How did you find it?  Was it passed down to you from a parent or seem to appear from nowhere?

Have you ever doodled, maybe even just randomly while chatting on the phone?  What did you draw? Did you wonder why?

Have you ever pondered what makes your preferences your preferences?

When confronted with your obvious limitations have you ever said, “F*ck off!”?

C707492B-9C4A-442E-9106-957FE4671BA4

When you hear again and again, apparently sold with all the best of intentions the same menu:  You can’t control the weather; You can’t fight the government; You can’t be David against Goliath; You can’t conquer the dragons; You can’t rise above your lot . . . Have you ever said, “Excuse me, why the bloody hell not?!”

Some are most certainly doing it, so why not me?

You can call that a sense of entitlement if you want.  I call it something else entirely.