What Did You Do to the Floor?!

Grandpa had a strategy when we were growing up that I think is quite common.  When we would hurt ourselves and were crying he’d redirect our attention to something else.  For example, if we tripped and fell he’d say, “Is the chair ok?”  Or the floor, or the toy, or whatever other object was a party to the accident.

In the short-term this is a really good strategy in that it pretty much always works, short of serious injury.

But, with a bird’s eye view, I can now witness how in my (FOO) family of origin, just as in the culture at large, we’ve traded short-term successes at the cost of long-term thriving.

Now that I’m a woman, as the French say—‘of a certain age’— I understand the hidden costs of this short-term fix.  It’s taken many years and many, many hours of research and unraveling to mend this deleterious aspect of my upbringing.  Me, like all of life, is a work-in-progress.

I know some will just shake their heads thinking I’m blaming others for all my problems in life.  It’s really not about that at all.  Blame is irrelevant to me.  I seek wisdom.  And healing.  For myself, for others and for the world.

I’ll even take that one step further.  I think if Grandpa were listening to me take him to task over this from somewhere in the great beyond, he’d be proud of me for standing up to him in his past life.  Because he knows it’s for the greater good.  I truly believe the dead don’t give a flying hoot about their misdeeds once in the afterlife.  They are beyond body and therefore beyond ego.  I can’t even imagine the possibility that he’s out there somewhere still trying to be right and almighty.  I can actually hear him laughing at that idea, and he had a great laugh. 

So, here’s to you, Gramps.  These have been the long-term effects for me, which I’ve been consistently healing and re-training:  Not paying attention to my own pain before it gets severe.  Discounting my internal experiences and knowing too often.  Minimizing and bypassing physical sensations, especially danger.  Burying my intuition.  Misdirecting anger.  Having more compassion for others, and sometimes even animals and objects, than I do my own well-being.  Not asking for help or support enough.  Isolating excessively during times of deep pain.

That’s my personal list of the largely unspoken long-term effects (trauma) of gaslighting in childhood.  I’m certainly not alone in feeling the repercussions of this brand of parenting.  Even with mild levels of those raised in family circumstances where there was consistent gaslighting the offspring often end up repeating these toxic patterns in their own relationships and parenting styles.  It’s emotional and intellectual manipulation and it’s so pervasive in our culture that it’s rarely addressed.  

Until lately.

I see this changing so much now, not just in myself, but really lighting a fire in the entire culture, with vast amounts of material available online and in print to help folks recognize these techniques, heal from them, and eventually, to become such a rockstar at navigating your own reality that you’ll never get fooled again.

To me this is the most positive sign in these troubled times.  To me it means nothing less than an enlightenment of those who are strong enough, and diligent enough, to see through the gaslighters’ fog and to realize we’ve been serving dysfunctional and narcissistic individuals, institutions, and indeed an entire toxic system, of power abuse. And this must stop, in our own lives, and in the world at large.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful.

The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Self-Therapy by Jay Earley

The best YT channels on the topic along with Ross Rosenberg, in my opinion, so far, because the numbers are growing rapidly:

 

If psychology and self-help books and videos aren’t right for you, I’ve got another suggestion that will probably sound crazy to a lot of folks.  It did to me, before I tried it, several years ago now, on the advice of a therapist:  Learn the Tarot cards.

They’ve become like buoys in the ocean to me.

Of everything I’ve tried so far, this has been the single-most helpful for me personally.  They have the power to put you in far deeper touch with the archetypes of your own psyche and the consciousness of the world.  Not only are they engrossing and insightful, they’re pretty fun, too.  At least I think so!

Of course, as with everything, you need a really great teacher.

If you want, you can borrow mine.  🙂

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Michael Tsarion

Path of the Fool: Meanings of the Major and Minor Arcana

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Shades of Deception II

Scene II: Moving to the culture at large . . .

Me: “That’s abuse!”

Them: Chorus of Flying Monkeys and Power Worshipping Apologetics

Normalizing: “It’s called discipline, and we all turned out just fine.”

Reframing: “It’s an ‘Adverse Childhood Experience’.” (And there’s a drug for that.)

Repression: “I just don’t see what good it does to dwell on it. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.” (And let’s have another cocktail!)

Dissociation: “Can you believe this horrific X character on the news?!” (X=but is not limited to: Jeffrey Epstein, Jimmy Savile, Harvey Weinstein, Charles Manson, and I won’t bore y’all with even a partial list, cause it goes on . . . And bloody on, and on.)

http://dauntlessdialogue.com/systemic-pedophilia-part-3/ 

http://dauntlessdialogue.com/evidence-of-the-mass-arrests-of-pedophiles-a-master-list/

Spanking, the gateway to control through violence. Just discipline. Fine and natural.

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Yes, clearly, they did the best they could. And still are.

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Right?

 

 

 

 

Shades of Deception

A True Story

Me: “That’s abuse!”

Them: Chorus of Excuses

Denial— “Things were different back then.”

Gaslighting— “Everyone else in the family remembers it differently, did you ever consider you might be wrong?”

Redirection— “Uncle X had it much worse.”

Minimizing— “That’s really not a big deal. I know kids who are beaten daily by their drunken parents.”

Spiritual Bypassing— “He had a hard time showing his affection. He had a quirky personality, but he loved you.”

General Tone & Theme: Just move on. It’s narcissistic to dwell in the past when no one else wants to. You’re making the family uncomfortable.

Me: “The erasure of the abuse is worse than the abuse.”

 

 

Feminine Psychology (Part 4)

Diana or Diva? Mary or Medusa?  Sinner or Saint?

Toxic femininity was the subject of the last post, so now I’d like to explore the opposite, what is Divine femininity?

It’s not at all easy to define the divine feminine through the eyes of the female, because much of its interpretation has come to us through the voices of men—whether that feminine is revered, as in Tantric writings, or reviled, as in much of the Roman writings and into the later religious traditions.

I offer this opinion simply to add to the growing conversation as a middle-aged woman coming late in life into a deep relationship with the land and nature.  I am still a novice, but an enthusiastic one.  The one thing I can say with certainty is this subject cannot be approached without including procreation, and therefore sexuality.

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Before there was the Word, there was the land, and it was made and watched over by women.If Women Rose Rooted: The Journey to Authenticity and Belonging by Sharon Blackie

I believe the divine feminine can scarcely be found in modern civilization in our time.  At some point in our history the sacred marriage of the masculine-feminine partnership was usurped by the master-slave relationship.

Like many of their Eastern counterparts, Jewish, Christian, and Muslim mystical writings also tend to relegate the physical to an inferior place—so much so that in Christian mysticism the body is often viewed as intrinsically base.  And while the feminine is still sometimes idealized in the abstract (like the Shekinah of Hebrew Kabbalistic mysticism or the Christian Virgin Mary), woman, and particularly woman’s sexuality, is frequently presented as a danger to man.Sacred Pleasure: Sex, Myth, and the Politics of the Body—New Paths to Power and Love by Riane Eisler

Goddesses and female saints such as Brigit and Arianrod were dismissed, others such as Demetra are turned into males, others become hemaphrodites (in our time now called Intersex Individuals, or Transsexuals, and considered to be the pinnacle of human perfection—the reason why children are being taught a dozen new pronouns and ‘gender fluidity’ is being pushed across the global culture.) https://www.georgepetros.com/writings/gen/newherm.htm

“By minimizing the importance of what happens on Earth and counseling acceptance of suffering (and even its embrace) as a ticket to spiritual development and divine rewards after death, the Church not only distracted people’s minds and energies from seeking less oppressive social alternatives; it actively reinforced the hold of dominator institutions, beginning with the institutionalization of male dominance.  So when women equated love and bliss with submission and suffering, and when they saw martyrdom as their highest vocation, it was in part due to their indoctrination to view abject obedience and acceptance of suffering as the greatest womanly accomplishment.” 153 R.Eisler

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Girls raised to believe they are ‘sugar and spice and everything nice’ become blind to their true gifts and crippled by their lack of power. 

Kindness, generosity, caring, cooperation, of course these are pleasant traits often attributed to good mothering, and positive aspects of femininity, but they are only divine when they are authentic.  They can just as easily be employed from a place of self-serving manipulation as they can in genuine concern for another’s well-being.

Gracious, thoughtful, considerate, charming, ok, but for their own sakes, for the sake of beauty and care and tenderness, not as tools to get ahead in the dominance game.

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All our most divine-sounding characteristics have a dark side.  Take humility as an example.  In its negative aspects we get avoidance, passivity, dismissiveness.

The divine feminine is NOT passive, she is receptive, and that one word makes a vast world of difference.

How can you tell the difference?  In a culture where constructive criticism is considered hate-speech, that’s not easy.

In a nut-shell, if it comes with strings attached, it’s not genuine.  A gift is not a gift if it’s forced upon you, or if your approval and appreciation of said gift is a requirement.

One of the most obvious (invisible) strings is ‘image management’.  Your experience is devalued, minimized, rebuffed, or ignored.  She’s above criticism, she deflects or sobs or eye-rolls your thoughts and feelings away.  Her ego and personal comfort are more important than her loved ones’ well-being.

Looking good trumps being good.

Just turn on the television or open social media and you’ll have an avalanche of toxic examples to choose from.

Or, save yourself the torture and close your eyes and imagine what the only strings of the divine feminine might be.

Censorship Violates Consciousness

Our old paradigms of consciousness are shifting.  More and more we have the courageous scientists stepping out of their consensus trance, and one of the biggest is certainly Nassim Haramein.  I heard him first many years ago, and while he’s still way over my head, this interview helps to break down his theory to the lay audience.

While I can’t say how or why or if crystals work, or planets are hollow, or if the Fractal Systems Theory is the new Big Bang, I can agree on one fundamental aspect of the nature of the universe and of consciousness, and that is what the spiritualists once called ‘ether’ exists.  We are ‘informing’ the universe and it us in return at every nano-second.  I know this by studying nature, as did many of Haramein’s predecessors, like Viktor Shauburger and Nikola Tesla and Albert Einstein.  You don’t have to be an actual renowned physicist, or a 19th century clairvoyant, you only have to start to recognize and appreciate the patterns of nature all around us.  There is an organizing principle, a higher law, and to bring this all back down to earth, this is why censorship is a crime.

We absolutely need more powerful individuals like this Google insider gone whistleblower to clean out these violations of natural law.

The voice and will of the people is what creates our reality, at every layer.

Right the Wrongs

We have all been misguided, of that I have not a shred of doubt anymore.  Our culture, our history, our news, our entertainment, our religions, our future, have been fabricated and falsified and manipulated in such horrific ways as most folks can hardly fathom.

And it’s going to get worse.  This is not some apocalyptic vision of mine, there are plenty of those going around, and for a very long time.  Forever, even.  I’m a tiny fraction of a grain of sand in that vast hourglass.

“. . . A clown-like, grinning mockery of the victim(s) as a show of power and macabre arrogance.  When this is performed in a veiled manner, accompanied by certain occult signs and symbolic words and elicits no meaningful response of opposition or resistance from the target(s), it is one of the most efficacious techniques of psychological warfare and mind-rape.”  —Michael Hoffman, Secret Societies and Psychological Warfare

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We can lay blame, and I often do, on our own selves, as well as others.  I didn’t invent society, I can’t change the shit-show I was born into, that was fate, or something.  You can complain your shit-show was worse, or better, and I won’t argue.  I imagine most folks around the world had it much worse, or better, for whatever that means.

When faced with this truth, the truth that we’ve all bought a pack of lies, we don’t have a lot of choice on how we react—anger, resentment, bitterness, confusion, frustration, apathy, hope, forgiveness, fear—the list goes on.  I know all these reactions have value, I take them seriously, I dismiss none of them as of more or less value than another.

 

But when they are not a transitory state, but where one then chooses to reside, we’ve allowed the reaction to dissolve action.  We must make great effort to move from the reaction to the response.

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Our response, not our reaction, is what defines our humanity.  Every animal will react in fight, flight, fawn, freeze, in order to save their own skin, unless they are impaired.

Human nature has a higher calling.  You stand for, you stand against, it doesn’t matter, you’ve got to take a stand.  Once you’ve taken a stand, you know you fall, you know what falling feels like.  That is the wisdom of the gods.

A boxer once told me, while I was cringing, trying to be polite in delicately couching the fact that I hate his so-called sport — “Boxers don’t train to fight.  We train to get back up.”

I was flabbergasted at the wisdom in that simple statement, which I’d never considered before, and with which he was able to so tactically and efficaciously respond to my reaction.

I think of this now, because, as much as I never liked sports, or games, still I’m somehow wired to think strategy.  I was born into a game I don’t understand, which no one gave me the tools or teachings to navigate, but to which I was expected to adapt nonetheless.  At some point I chose, and still choose, to not simply adapt.

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I’m weakening, physically, but my mind and tongue are still sharp enough to benefit where age and injury weigh me down.  I think that’s a sign of one’s wisdom years, now beckoning me to return to the studies that will find new meaning in re-engagement, with now decades of life experience to inform on their deeper meanings and interpretations.

I feel blessed for this time and space and luxury to reconsider.

The Truth Will Set You Free?

Nonsense.  So many of these old adages should be read as the exact opposite. 

The Truth will burden you mercilessly.  It will chain you down.  It will promise to crush you.

That’s why most folks can’t handle the truth, don’t seek it out even momentarily, and change the subject if you try to broach it, even when it’s coated in marzipan.

But it rarely comes candy-coated.

If you’re an animal lover it will come in the form of a video clip from Siberia of a mink being skinned alive and shrieking in tones that will haunt you for a lifetime.

If children are your greatest weakness it will come in the form of the decades of elite pedophiles and abusers regularly affronting you in the news, with nothing of consequence ever being done about it.

If nature is your refuge you will see, over and over, images of its destruction, forests burning, waters poisoned, skies sprayed with toxins, atmosphere altered in horrid alien ways.

If you are a foodie, an aesthetic, a lover of beauty, a Dionysian even, you will watch it all destroyed to make way for concrete and cardboard, and synthetic, tasteless, lifeless, gaudy goo.

If you’ve been cursed with the trait called ‘sensitivity’ you’ll be harpooned with each of these in turn, flashing in neon, at all hours of the day and night.

The truth is, you can’t handle the truth. 

I can’t handle the truth.

I work at it, constantly. 

It promises to break me, daily.

One aligns with Truth, not because it will set you free, but because it conquers all.

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