What Did You Do to the Floor?!

Grandpa had a strategy when we were growing up that I think is quite common.  When we would hurt ourselves and were crying he’d redirect our attention to something else.  For example, if we tripped and fell he’d say, “Is the chair ok?”  Or the floor, or the toy, or whatever other object was a party to the accident.

In the short-term this is a really good strategy in that it pretty much always works, short of serious injury.

But, with a bird’s eye view, I can now witness how in my (FOO) family of origin, just as in the culture at large, we’ve traded short-term successes at the cost of long-term thriving.

Now that I’m a woman, as the French say—‘of a certain age’— I understand the hidden costs of this short-term fix.  It’s taken many years and many, many hours of research and unraveling to mend this deleterious aspect of my upbringing.  Me, like all of life, is a work-in-progress.

I know some will just shake their heads thinking I’m blaming others for all my problems in life.  It’s really not about that at all.  Blame is irrelevant to me.  I seek wisdom.  And healing.  For myself, for others and for the world.

I’ll even take that one step further.  I think if Grandpa were listening to me take him to task over this from somewhere in the great beyond, he’d be proud of me for standing up to him in his past life.  Because he knows it’s for the greater good.  I truly believe the dead don’t give a flying hoot about their misdeeds once in the afterlife.  They are beyond body and therefore beyond ego.  I can’t even imagine the possibility that he’s out there somewhere still trying to be right and almighty.  I can actually hear him laughing at that idea, and he had a great laugh. 

So, here’s to you, Gramps.  These have been the long-term effects for me, which I’ve been consistently healing and re-training:  Not paying attention to my own pain before it gets severe.  Discounting my internal experiences and knowing too often.  Minimizing and bypassing physical sensations, especially danger.  Burying my intuition.  Misdirecting anger.  Having more compassion for others, and sometimes even animals and objects, than I do my own well-being.  Not asking for help or support enough.  Isolating excessively during times of deep pain.

That’s my personal list of the largely unspoken long-term effects (trauma) of gaslighting in childhood.  I’m certainly not alone in feeling the repercussions of this brand of parenting.  Even with mild levels of those raised in family circumstances where there was consistent gaslighting the offspring often end up repeating these toxic patterns in their own relationships and parenting styles.  It’s emotional and intellectual manipulation and it’s so pervasive in our culture that it’s rarely addressed.  

Until lately.

I see this changing so much now, not just in myself, but really lighting a fire in the entire culture, with vast amounts of material available online and in print to help folks recognize these techniques, heal from them, and eventually, to become such a rockstar at navigating your own reality that you’ll never get fooled again.

To me this is the most positive sign in these troubled times.  To me it means nothing less than an enlightenment of those who are strong enough, and diligent enough, to see through the gaslighters’ fog and to realize we’ve been serving dysfunctional and narcissistic individuals, institutions, and indeed an entire toxic system, of power abuse. And this must stop, in our own lives, and in the world at large.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful.

The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker

Self-Therapy by Jay Earley

The best YT channels on the topic along with Ross Rosenberg, in my opinion, so far, because the numbers are growing rapidly:

 

If psychology and self-help books and videos aren’t right for you, I’ve got another suggestion that will probably sound crazy to a lot of folks.  It did to me, before I tried it, several years ago now, on the advice of a therapist:  Learn the Tarot cards.

They’ve become like buoys in the ocean to me.

Of everything I’ve tried so far, this has been the single-most helpful for me personally.  They have the power to put you in far deeper touch with the archetypes of your own psyche and the consciousness of the world.  Not only are they engrossing and insightful, they’re pretty fun, too.  At least I think so!

Of course, as with everything, you need a really great teacher.

If you want, you can borrow mine.  🙂

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Michael Tsarion

Path of the Fool: Meanings of the Major and Minor Arcana

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Survival Instinct?

Do you love yourself enough to save yourself?

He who takes a stand is often wrong, but he who fails to take a stand is always wrong.”

Frederick T. Gates, in 1913, director of charity for John D. Rockefeller’s Southern Education Board (SEB) wrote the following:

“Is there aught of remedy for this neglect of rural life? Let us, at least, yield ourselves to the gratifications of a beautiful dream that there is. In our dream, we have limitless resources, and the people yield themselves with perfect docility to our molding hand. The present educational conventions fade from our minds; and, unhampered by tradition, we work our own good will upon a grateful and responsive rural folk. We shall not try to make these people or any of their children into philosophers or men of learning or of science. We are not to raise up from among them authors, orators, poets, or men of letters. We shall not search for embryo great artists, painters, musicians. Nor will we cherish even the humbler ambition to raise up from among them lawyers, doctors, preachers, politicians, statesmen, of whom we now have ample supply.” https://unmasker4maine.wordpress.com/2015/01/24/abcs-of-dumbdown-from-gates-to-gates-frederick-gates-1913-to-bill-gates-2015/

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Do you love your life enough to fight for it?

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Do you care about your family enough to try to warn them?

“Humankind cannot bear very much reality.” TS Eliot

“. . . if the American people had ever known the truth about what we Bushes have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched.” – George Bush Senior (interview with Sarah McClendon, December 1992)

Do you revere nature enough to serve it?

“There is no anti-depressant that will cure a depression that’s spirtually-based, for the malaise doesn’t originate from brain dysfunction, but from an accurate response to the desecration of life.” David R. Hawkins (Power vs. Force)

Do you respect your ancestors enough to sift their wisdom from their folly?

“Some authorities take the view that we are all virtually at the mercy of the mass media and baleful methods of group stimulation, whilst others have suggested that brainwashing and similar techniques available to the modern mind-manipulator are not only well-nigh irresistible but lead to real and permanent changes in political or religious outlook. If such beliefs are well-founded, the outlook for civilization as we know it is not pleasant to contemplate.” – J. A. C. Brown (Techniques of Persuasion)

“If we understand the mechanism and motives of the group mind, it is now possible to control and regiment the masses according to our will without them knowing it.” – Edward Bernays (Propaganda)

“What a great advantage for leaders that the people do not think.” – Adolf Hitler

Do you honor the future of humanity enough to get serious?

“The man who does not know what it means to be under psychic hypnosis, is already under it. – Vernon Howard

In my 20s, I accepted the Globalist agenda without knowing it, without questioning it, because I didn’t understand it was an agenda.  I was propagandized into believing it was in the obvious best interest of humankind without ever applying any outside research or critical thinking.

On my very first website, about two decades ago, I wrote, in all earnestness, “Educational technology will level the playing field around the globe and then we will truly share One World.”

I WAS WRONG!  If I have to repeat that publicly every day for the rest of my life to atone for my idiocy, that’s fine with me!

Not only did I not understand I’d been propagandized into supporting an agenda, I could never have conceived the agenda’s ultimate goal is Oligarchical Collectivism. (Yuk!)

Please forgive me for being a naïve tool of the State for half of my life!  I repent! I’ll forever bear better gifts, I promise!

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We are grateful to the Washington Post, The New York Times, Time Magazine, and other great publications whose directors have attended our meetings and respected their promises of discretion for almost forty years. It would have been impossible for us to develop our plan for the world if we had been subject to the bright lights of publicity during those years. But the world is now more sophisticated and prepared to march toward world government.” – David Rockefeller (Address to the Trilateral Commission, June 1991)

“Kennedy’s unswerving loyalty to the British monarchy was rewarded; his daughter, Kathleen Kennedy…married William Cavendish, the Marquis of Hartington. Hartington was the son and heir to the tenth Duke of Devonshire…who have run British politics since the days of Elizabeth I…While serving as ambassador in Britain, Joseph Kennedy was made an initiate of His Majesty’s Most Venerable Order of St. John of Jerusalem…Joseph Kennedy Jr. and John F. Kennedy were trained at the London School of Economics, and institution founded by the Fabian Society dedicated to training and recruiting foreign cadre as future British agents within government, business, media, and educational posts in their own countries. The Kennedy brothers were trained by Fabian Society Executive member Harold Laski.” – Dope, Inc

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Do you know your country well enough to recognize its enemies?

“The elementary principle of all deception is to attract the enemy’s attention to what you wish him to see and to distract his attention from what you do not wish him to see.” – General Sir Archibald Wavell

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Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing tactics, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.” – Mark Twain

http://www.michaeltsarion.com/an-address-to-the-dead.html

Well, the psychologists and sociologists of merit have been telling you for years. You are dissociated. You have infantile amnesia, and you inhabit an abstraction that is an pseudo-life. You are dead to the real and alive to the simulacra. You are outer-directed and always on the go, racing headlong toward your graves as if eager to get to them. You’ve replaced experience with reaction and intimacy with performance. Your thinking is autistic, narcissistic, and masochistic, and you’re in denial of your denial. You use your pain to gain attention, and perform good deeds mistaking those silly acts for true virtue. Your ambition and preoccupation is an avoidance of inwardness. You compete to prove you’re better and that you matter. You adore the clutter, the noise, over-stimulation and endless domestic minutiae, because it distracts you from attending to your Dharma. You crave relationships because you have none with yourselves. You want children because by your twenties you are sick of yourselves. You crave more so you can feel rich. Deconstruction, divestiture and psychosomatic catharsis mean nothing to you. All that matters is acquisition, competition, attainment and reward. The Earth can suffer, but that is alright. As long as you succeed and get hold of the power you secretly desire, nothing else matters

Are you still confused?

Do ya want to know what these words mean? They mean you are unaware that you are unaware. They mean that you have given up the right rulership of yourself. They mean that you have become totally dependent upon priests, politicians, medics and corporations, telling you what to think, believe and do. Actually its not freedom that you want. Oh no, you’re scared to death of that. What you really want is freedom from freedom, and Big Brother is itching to let you have exactly what you secretly desire. Micael Tsarion

“Freedom is the last thing he wants. He functions, as we shall see, according to the principle of pleasure in non-freedom. To be sentenced to life long freedom is a worse fate then life-long slavery. To put it another way: a man is always searching for someone or something to enslave him, for only as a slave does he feel secure.”
Esther Vilar (The Manipulated Man)

https://unslaved.com/episode-148-entrainment-social-hysteria-mob-rule/

Do you know yourself well enough, do you understand their game well enough, to become a formidable opponent?

 

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Real American Heroes

There are tears fogging my eyes and my jaw is on the floor listening to this monumental speech from this heroic Austrian-American woman.

She saw what National Socialism and Hitler’s rise to power did to her native country.  She saw him voted into power by a nearly unanimous population, watched as he took over the education system, the healthcare system, established an intricate bureaucracy over all the farmers and business owners, forced registration of the guns and then confiscated them, and exert his tyranny over every aspect of life and death in the country.

You don’t have to be in the Tea Party or a devout Jesus worshiper to see she knows what she’s talking about.  Of course when you search her online you get loads of slander about her coming up first, go figure.

What are her wise words of advice to us all from this octogenarian?  Make sure you have plenty of ammo!  Yes, m’aam!

This speech should be played in every classroom, boardroom, civic center, mall, warehouse across this entire country!

The Truth Will Set You Free?

Nonsense.  So many of these old adages should be read as the exact opposite. 

The Truth will burden you mercilessly.  It will chain you down.  It will promise to crush you.

That’s why most folks can’t handle the truth, don’t seek it out even momentarily, and change the subject if you try to broach it, even when it’s coated in marzipan.

But it rarely comes candy-coated.

If you’re an animal lover it will come in the form of a video clip from Siberia of a mink being skinned alive and shrieking in tones that will haunt you for a lifetime.

If children are your greatest weakness it will come in the form of the decades of elite pedophiles and abusers regularly affronting you in the news, with nothing of consequence ever being done about it.

If nature is your refuge you will see, over and over, images of its destruction, forests burning, waters poisoned, skies sprayed with toxins, atmosphere altered in horrid alien ways.

If you are a foodie, an aesthetic, a lover of beauty, a Dionysian even, you will watch it all destroyed to make way for concrete and cardboard, and synthetic, tasteless, lifeless, gaudy goo.

If you’ve been cursed with the trait called ‘sensitivity’ you’ll be harpooned with each of these in turn, flashing in neon, at all hours of the day and night.

The truth is, you can’t handle the truth. 

I can’t handle the truth.

I work at it, constantly. 

It promises to break me, daily.

One aligns with Truth, not because it will set you free, but because it conquers all.

zinnia.blackswallowtail

Re-Balance & Re-Tune

“What do you do when things go from bad to worse?”

I was asked that question a couple months ago after the “tornado” hit our property by a man whose work I follow, Jason Lindgren.  I consider the work he does with Crrow777 to be very inspiring.

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So, pray tell, wise man, what do I do with a dozen fallen trees?

It’s not at all inspiring in the vein of Ram Dass quotes and vision boards and self-help mantras.  You might even argue it’s the opposite, more often than not.  Not that it’s nihilistic ‘slash and burn’ either, but more like, ‘tastefully deconstruct and reconsider.’

These guys have heard it all, I’m sure.  Nut jobs, shills, conspiracy theorists would be on the mild side.

I see something quite different, typical.  They’ve recently filmed a documentary called “Shoot the Moon” — about the lunar wave — quite à propos, no?

I see determination, resilience, fortitude, creativity—all qualities I consider to be deliciously rare.  Others see ‘crazy’ where I see ‘courageous.’

Most of all, I see care.  Authentic care.

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“What a good question,” I replied at the time. 

I really had not a clue at that moment and was still in a state of mental and emotional chaos, which had my conscious thoughts and unconscious feelings ALL over the place.

Of course, when I’m all over the place I drag Hubby all over the place with me, which surely isn’t the reason why he’s been working so much overtime, right?? 🙂

“Let’s sell it all and move to Mexico!” was at the top of my list at the time of that astute question.  Folks don’t ask a lot of good questions, even the well-meaning ones.  Mostly I hear useless platitudes, like these Ram Dass quotes, and even actual arguments about how they think I should be feeling.  

To be absolutely frank in a ‘too much information’ sort of way I’m sure to regret at some point, I think what happened to my psyche right after the latest weather disaster was what the shrinks would call ‘complex PTSD’.

Yes, I’m self-diagnosing from the Internet.  But, the symptoms fit, and the worst of it came out in flooding of somatic memories that were totally overpowering and illogical and unwelcome, along with intense anxiety, nightmares and terrors, paranoia, depression, loss of sense of stability and control, and so on.

These weren’t overpowering memories just from the previous two disasters, Hurricanes Katrina and Ike, they went much further back.  They wen’t so far back sometimes that I couldn’t really tell if they were ‘all mine’ alone, but that doesn’t matter one bit, because they were terrifying and I was feeling them as if they were currently happening to me, alone.

I mostly isolate in such times, because I feel if nothing else, I don’t want to take others down with me.  But also because I know from experience how badly the average person handles disaster, or grief, or anything remotely unpleasant or unsavory, so I feel I have little other choice.

I want to say now what I think really helped, now that I feel on the upswing once again.  It’s not because I think what helps me will help others necessarily, but you never know how adding to the reservoir of our individual coping and healing techniques could work for someone, somewhere, and I’ve got a great big hunch more folks are going to need more such resources for the coming decades.

What’s working for me, what have been my buoys in the darkness?

Not those typically espoused by those who think they know, like ‘get out and socialize’ or ‘join a club’ or ‘try these meds’ or even meditate or try a new hobby.

Jason’s simple question—spontaneous, honest, rhetorical—gave me a point of focus I expect he never intended, but was able to offer to a virtual stranger, out of . . . I don’t really know . . . empathy, curiosity, tact?

A few other things helped too.  I consulted an astrologer for the first time in my life.  https://readingsbyyerevan.com/

I decided (again) my first responsibility is to my own well-being, which should be obvious, but I often forget it.

This blog helped, the folks who support me in this blog helped.  I got to send my chaotic feelings into the ether, to be read or ignored as the reader saw fit, no obligation, but no expectations from me either.  That’s truly cathartic for me.

I’m taking herbal hormones and eating an even healthier diet than I typically do, just loading up more on the veggies and herbs and lightening up on the chips and fries.  That part has been pretty painless.

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Isolating for me dramatically reduces stress, yet this is what all the experts say to never do.  I think that’s because they want the vulnerable to join cults and be in an even greater position of weakness to group-think and consensus trance and taking bad popular advice, like anti-depressants, for starters.

I’m not saying I’ve figured it all out or it’s all downhill from here, but I’ve added a few more tools to the box.

So, to answer your question, Jason, “What do you do when things go from bad to worse?”

I re-balance and re-tune, and if that goes well, I re-commit.  

I might still be down, but I’m not yet out.  And there’s no power, be it technocratic, dogmatic, omnipotent or otherwise, who’s going to force me from our land in this lifetime.  If it comes to push and shove, I go down with the ship. Period.

Stubborn?  Perhaps.
Inspired?  Definitely!

 

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