Success is Overwhelm

Is this true for most people, most of the time?  Does success always lead to overwhelm?  Is that why some of us have an intrinsic fear of success, whereas others fear failure?

So I’ve canned, made hooch, made syrup and various desserts and even got a welcome barter for raw milk, fresh from the cow with our surplus of pears.  Pears still litter the living room and fill the fridge and are starting to ripen faster than I can keep up.  The pears are starting to depress me.  My wrists and forearms ache from peeling.  Other chores are being neglected.  It’s no great difficulty to sit in front of the TV or Youtube and peel for hours on end without any real stress or rush, and yet still I feel the need to curl into a fetal position and pretend I’ve managed it, rather than being only about half-way through.

I just submitted my last grades for my last class at APUS forever.  I should be celebrating, because I’m really glad about it.  And, I should be thrilled for the new hobby that this pear surplus has made me start digging into:  wine-making.  From what I’m able to gather so far in my novice stage, what we’ve been calling “hooch” is actually what winemakers call ‘must’.  I think.

While I am thrilled for the new hobby and the last grading, overwhelm has tainted my success.   It feels something like grid-lock.  There are still many, many pounds of pears that need processing, and once processed, need to find a semi-permanent storage spot, and then we need to learn to really love eating canned pears.

I think I don’t know the difference between success and overwhelm, really.  To me, they are two sides of the same coin.  Handy Hubby will not be pleased to learn the only thing I can imagine now is we need to add a hobby room to the house, and a cellar.  I’m going to need lots of wine-making equipment, then in a year or so once I’ve got that down, we’ll need a still, for cognac and such.

He might also be reconsidering success.  😉

piesuck

A failed pear-blueberry galette from Baking with Julia.  I just plain suck at crusts, there seems to be little hope for me, no matter how I try!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Victims of Random Success, Failure

Sweet potato success two years ago was two wheelbarrows full.  This year, not a one survived, though slips filled two healthy rows at one time in early June.  Two years ago, no pears to speak of, in fact only one  and a half crops in 4 years.  This year, a bumper crop from a single tree that will fill my afternoons for the next week in processing.  Peppers one year, tomatoes another, melons everywhere like weeds three years ago, to this year, where are all the damn melons?!  I don’t see how the farmers do it.  Or, did our farming ancestors count on such extreme variations, whereas today there is an unrealistic reliance on consistency?   Hence all the hybrids and GMOs?

I wish I knew.  I suppose this has long been the struggle of man and nature that dimwits and intellectuals alike try to grapple with.  I read and observe and attempt eternal patience, but in truth it is terribly aggravating all this not-knowing.

It’s baffling and annoying and funny.  I try to keep records, but half the time I have no clue why something succeeds or fails, so I don’t know what to record–the temperature and rainfall and seed source and planting dates, ok, but that does not seem to get me very far at all, even when I manage to do it.  One year an invasion of squash bugs, another year white flies, another year some unidentified wilt, this year, five different persistent grasses growing like bamboo mats engulfing everything in their path.  This has been the most depressing summer for the garden I’ve yet experienced, but I get the sense now I’m repeating that mantra in some form every year.

I get hunches sometimes, for better or worse, and this year I thank the pear success to our beehives.  I know timing of the last frost and first good rains fit in there somewhere too, but don’t ask me how.  Also failed this year were the figs, one, like sweet potatoes and okra, also failed, were all ones we once called a fail-proof crop for the south.

Back to the drawing board, green thumb.   Success in one area, as temporary as it might be, leads to thoughts how to better benefit from such success in future, only in future to find that was quite futile.

If I can get myself past the programming to stop focusing on either success or failure, I might get closer to seeing the bigger picture.  Or so they say.

Pear hooch is bubbling happily in the crock.  That might be my zooming out solution.  One good solution surely leads to another.  🙂

 

rootcellar1_copyWe might need a root cellar.  Or then again . . .?

 

Meat Day!

I have my cheese days and Handy Hubby has his days at the smoker. Usually it’s a Sunday, because we try to always take a day off for lounging in the hammocks and over-consuming adult beverages. Cooking, writing and researching deep politics we don’t typically consider work. It’s more that we just agree to ignore the heavy labor for a day.

It’s raining again today (thank heavens!) so we’ve got our real redneck on, swinging under the carport, dogs at our feet, noting we have too many roosters–we have to yell to hear each other over the crowing and the drops echoing off the tin roof.

On today’s meat madness list: Hubby’s own pastrami, a couple of ducks, lots more duck necks for future soups, and some sausages. Yes, we are just two here.  We cook in bulk, just like we shop. By the way, we are awash in ducks. I’m scouring every cookbook and online site for new recipes and hoping somewhere, somehow to find someone to trade with for something.

Today we are experimenting with our ‘hard-core homemade’ menu by crafting a Reuben to reckon with. The recipe comes from Julia Child, but we kick it up more than a couple of notches.

Everything about it is homemade—the rye bread, the pastrami, the Muenster cheese (I’ve been babying that baby for two and a half months now), the mustard, the mayo, the ketchup and the saurkraut. (As I side-note, I had no idea ketchup used to be a very healthy condiment, because it was fermented, and nothing like the corn syrup concoction with seemingly unlimited shelf-life sold today.) Before finding this recipe in the gorgeous cookbook Baking with Julia, I didn’t know a ruben had ketchup. The Eastern European rye bread recipe also comes from this book. Normally I make a sourdough rye, my own painstakingly-crafted recipe, that is delicious.  But this one is made with yeast and looks so awesome in the photo (see below, mine is rising as I type, but I’m sure it won’t look quite that pretty), I just had to try it.

On the dark research front we have another score, and quite a synchronistic one.

Yesterday I was confronted with a compelling contradiction. I spoke with my mom on the phone and normally the conversation would not swerve into politics at all, but these days it’s front of mind for a lot more of the population than usual. She is concerned, as so many are, especially about ISIS. Her source of information is the mainstream news, known in ‘alternative’ circles as the lamestream news. I tried briefly to convince her that she is watching State-run propaganda and we might as well be living in the USSR, that’s how bad it’s gotten. She had not heard of false flags, of course, how would she?

Conversely, a friend on social media concluded this is a positively wonderful time for anarchists/voluntarists/agorists/libertarians and free-thinkers in general, because Americans are really waking up en masse. People are engaged in the elections and Trump is spilling the beans that the whole game is rigged and folks are listening, was just a small portion of her lengthy don’t-be-so negative-and-see-the-silver-lining lecture.

To her, I would like to say the same thing I’ve been saying at the university where I’m thrilled to be teaching my last class ever: Engaged is not educated!

I tossed in my sleep considering this great rift in understanding and reactions, and to my very pleasant surprise when I woke a brilliant piece of insight had been posted on Youtube by Truthstream Media, which I promptly sent to Mom and re-posted across social media.

This couple does excellent work, and if folks are really waking up, it’s thanks to them and those like them, boldly and courageously speaking truth to power, and putting their youthful exuberance into righteous anger, expressing a proper amount of snark and frustration, usually, but always deliberate, creative action, and especially oh-so-many undeniable facts for the lamestream watchers to reckon with.

Manufactured Civil Unrest and Regime Change: Is America Next?

 

 

bread

Breads from Julia Child’s book: Baking with Julia

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Enforcing Happiness

This is not a positive, solutions-oriented post. Trigger warning. Some readers are likely to become offended.  Continue reading at the peril of feeling negative and/or critical. Feelings of hopelessness may also arise. More sensitive readers may feel overcome with a sense of dread or an onset of depression. This post is not recommended for those who are taking prescription medications, or are self-medicating, have children or are planning to have children. In fact, no one should read this post.

Enter the Traumatology Zone. Dual reality. Duel reality. Forced choice, double speak, group think, mass manipulation. Polarity Pattern Processing.  Perpetual Propaganda.

With one hand keep the populace undisciplined, uneducated, disorganized, distracted, deluded, and with the other hand convince them that they’re happy in this state.

The goal: A populace that is predictable and conditioned to obey. Participating in their own destruction. Policing one another as they battle one another.

The vision: Total Spectrum Dominance.

The means: Anything and everything.

Current regimen: Poisoning from Stratospheric Aerosol Spraying, fake food, fluoridated water, toxic vaccines, intellectual and cultural nihilism. Permanent undeclared war.  Deliberate dumbing-down.

Publicly shun dissenters as ‘haters’ and ‘conspiracy theorists’.  Eliminate them from mainstream discourse.  Preach love and unity at every opportunity.  We are all one.  One big fake-happy family under oligarchical domination renamed democracy.

Don’t look up!

Current enforcement shaped through the corporate model. Brief description follows.

“. . .the ideology of modern corporate management, which uses therapeutic forms of social control and calls for group harmony to impose rigid conformity.
This magical thinking is largely responsible for our economic collapse, since any Cassandra who saw it coming was dismissed as “negative.” This childish belief discredits legitimate concerns and anxieties. It exacerbates despair and passivity. It fosters a state of self-delusion. And it has perverted the way we think about the nation and ourselves.
The corporations enforce a relentless optimism that curtails honest appraisal of reality and preserves hierarchical forms of organization under the guise of “participation.” Corporate culture provides, as Christopher Lasch pointed out, a society dominated by corporate elites with an anti-elitist ideology.
Positive psychology, which claims to be able to engineer happiness and provides the psychological tools for enforcing corporate conformity, is to the corporate state what eugenics was to the Nazis.”

For further reading:

http://www.truthdig.com/report/item/20090726_happiness_consultants_wont_stop_a_depression

http://www.geoengineeringwatch.org/category/global-meltdown/

http://www.geoengineeringwatch.org/chuck-norris-a-government-cover-up-of-epic-proportions/

Agorism, continued

I used to consider myself a Liberal, back in the days before liberal politics officially embraced the Military Industrial Complex and the eternal war machine.

Then I called myself a Libertarian, until I realized the movement had been completely co-opted by the Right and been bought by the likes of the Koch brothers.   The so-called “New Right” proved itself to be exactly the same as the old Right, not exactly the Neo-Con version of the last several decades, but harking back that of my grandfather’s generation.  No thank you!

Then I called myself an Anarchist, because it was obvious to me no good was coming from politics at all.  I stand by this still, as misunderstood as it is.  Anarchy does not mean “no rules” it means “no rulers.”

It seems very much in line to me with Agorism, but I’m still learning and am not at all afraid to change my stance once again if I discover I’ve been misled or deceived or the movement has been co-opted.  The concept of the countereconomy is particularly appealing to me, because I absolutely abhor the effects of my labor going toward such criminal endeavors as war and lining the pockets of elected criminals, banksters, and their very many minions.

“Agorists regard this counter-economy as a form of nonviolent direct action, a method of simultaneously challenging and evading state power, in the process building a free society based on the principles of unrestricted voluntary exchange. Counter-economics underscores the fact that given the volume of rules, regulations, and licenses already choking economic relations, almost everyone has already participated in the counter-economy in one way or another, perhaps quite unwittingly. By simply paying no heed to arbitrary rules that attempt to prohibit completely voluntary, mutually beneficial trade, agorists are engaged in an attempt to change society without resorting to political action, which agorism regards as capitulating to the existing power structure. Agorists believe that by becoming politically engaged, running candidates and attempting to reform governmental structures and lawmaking, libertarians fall into the trap of politics — the delusion that if we only elect the right person or pass the right law, we can attain freedom. For agorists, the processes and institutions of politics are inherently and unchangeably corrupt and coercive.”

http://www.libertarianism.org/columns/black-market-activism-samuel-edward-konkin-iii-agorism

I first learned the learned the word and the philosophy from my most-trusted news source James Corbett.  His most recent article on the topic reassures me further that not only am I aligned with the message, but that it’s happening, for real.   With his typical sardonic wit, he writes, Dear Government, Deliver Us From Freedom!

In this good news piece he highlights the booming peer-to-peer economy, community exchanges and the other fantastic efforts of like-minded folks doing all they can to get the corrupt government out of their lives and livelihoods.  He lists many examples and resources, so I hope you’ll check out the entire article.

In the end he surmises sarcastically, “Do you realize what this means? It means that the plebs are actually starting to spontaneously organize in new and innovative ways to help each other. This is a disaster! What if they stop believing that all charity on earth must be provided by the government? What if they start creating self-sufficient communities? Or collaborating without corporate middlemen? Or transacting around the world without the knowledge or oversight of our tax collectors?”

Oh I do, James, I really do realize what this means!  And thank you for your years of work and ‘leadership,’ in the way that leadership is meant to be.  You have inspired me and millions, and our numbers are multiplying by the minute.

“Freedom. Terrible, terrible freedom. What if there’s no putting a lid on it?”

Amen, Brother!

nif_pray

 

 

 

Cheese Day!

I’m not really sure why I love making cheese so much. My sister noticed one reason it’s not like me at all–‘it’s a lot like chemistry,’ she said.  I know! I don’t like numbers, or recipes, or chemistry. At least, not that kind of chemistry. Or, maybe I do, but school sucked the pleasure right out of it for me.

Cheesemaking has a pretty high learning curve, which does suit me. I took three good courses not too far away in Waco, Texas and I’ve been at it a couple of years now.

What I’ve learned as most important in cheesemaking is a good life lesson for me, so maybe that’s why I’m so drawn to it. Most cheesemakers, if asked the most important aspect of cheesemaking, might say, sanitation, or quality of milk, or aging capacity. I don’t deny all these are crucial, but for me personally, it’s patience.

I’ve had success from poor sanitation! If you’re curious about that dirty story, you can read it here: http://www.grit.com/food/kitchen-techniques/a-tale-of-two-cheeses-part-2.aspx I’d love to repeat that process, but don’t know how exactly, because I don’t know all that went wrong to produce it.

I’ve had some limited success with poor milk quality, though I don’t care to repeat it, because the failures far outweighed the success. Now I drive five hours round-trip to the nearest Jersey Grade A Raw Milk available in our region:  Trimbel Farms.  I do wish it were closer, but quality is not something I’m willing to forgo.

Aging capacity is always a challenge, unless you are lucky enough to have your own mountain cave, which is impossible in Texas, as far as I know. Affinage is the correct terminology, and if I wanted to do it correctly, I’d move to Switzerland. Not really an option.

Patience is the real challenge for me. Process is everything. This is not something that comes naturally to me. I’m a natural step-skipper, I don’t follow directions well, never have. My motto, what can I get away with not doing? So I always test the system. While this works for many things, it does not work for cheese. Typically, there are only four or five ingredients.  You only really need four–milk, rennet, culture and salt–which account for a good chunk of all the cheeses there are.

Not only that, but to know if I’ve failed I must wait two or three months or longer, in most cases. So much for instant gratification. Of course, there is always 30-minute mozzarella, which for the beginner with no cheese press and no way to properly “affine” is an ideal way to go. And, it’s delicious, better than anything you’ll buy in your average grocery in this neck of the woods. I still make it regularly and it never disappoints. Three ingredients: milk, rennet, citric acid. Well, and water and salt, if those even count.

I’ve had limited success with my all-time favorite, Camembert, one for the more advanced cheesemaker. I’m still not sure why I can’t succeed consistently at it, though I use the same techniques each time. For those interested in trying, I direct you to my cheesemaking and beekeeping friend, the lovely Rashel of The Promise Land Farm, who has mastered this fine art.

Maybe I love cheesemaking because it requires undivided attention for a couple hours, and peripheral attention for days, or even weeks and months. I’ve tried to multi-task while in the process, like today. I had grading to do, I forgot the flame was still under the pot, and over-heated the milk by 15 degrees.  Big mistake! One that cost me about three hours. Luckily, it was early enough in the process I didn’t ruin it altogether. A mistake to remind me:  Patience dear one, focus, prioritize, slow down.

Listening, learning, forgiving myself. And never, ever giving up.  Maybe it’s my commitment that drives me to succeed at it.  But, why this commitment for this particular process?

Maybe I just love a delicious challenge.

 

cheese

 

East Texas farm sources for raw milk, etc.

 

 

Confessions of a ‘Promiscuous’ Woman

This post is dedicated to a teacher I’ve learned much from, and react to, as all diligent students should be expected to do:  Stefan Molyneux.  Thank you for your insights, indefatigable work which I continue to draw from, and your bullshit, which inspires this post.  I am your forever scapegoat and critic, a role I hope all fans might try to navigate before they place judgment.

Oh No! Women are no longer willing to embrace their role!  A direct cause of the downfall of the Roman Empire and our current civilization, according to philosopher/historian Stefan Molyneux. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh7rdCYCQ_U

The State is the enemy, women are the suckers of the State teet, that is, mothers without husbands, not the legitimate man and wife, as was meant to be by all the edicts of civilization and God himself. ‘Man and wife,’ wow, flashback!  Your “being” attached to my “role,” thanks for that, already getting the old picture, the one instilled, very diligently, by my grandfather and father.

Single-motherhood is not what I’m promoting. I agree with Stefan as far as an underlying ethic he sometimes conjures which is, men count. Oh don’t I know it! I’m a so-called crazy co-dependent with Daddy issues–dysfunctional men have flocked to me for four decades now.  The exception, my husband and personal hero,–but whatever, I’m a ‘feminist’ without children–that I might have a few right leanings is all that binds me to this latest new-right propaganda.

Apparently, according to the ‘new right’ those of us who did not follow the path of motherhood, and are now surely miserable in our declined state of sexual value, being no longer able to attract enough willing suitors to assuage our unquenchable egos, well I guess I’m just that tall man in China. You are misinformed, Stefan and devoted Conservative and Christian followers, and I think you are not only supporting, but espousing, as often as not, complete nonsense when it comes to a creating a functional society.

Let’s talk about abortion. What?! No, let’s talk about male promiscuity. What?!  Or, heavens to Betsy, let’s imagine a woman might feel inclined to stay childless. If a man would chose this path would you be as disparaging toward his choice? When a man chooses not to rise to his “social-sexual” obligations, are you as harsh on him as you are on her? Because what I see is, not at all.  He gets limitless porn in your world, I get legs crossed or, shame on me for ruining Western civilization.  I’m sure the fact that men had a growing predilection for young boys during that period had nothing to do with women’s growing dissatisfaction in their marriages.

You are in reaction. Because ‘he’ is browbeaten by the Left, you do always make apologies for his transgressions and side, always, with him. You never give the woman the benefit of the doubt you give the man. That’s reaction to Leftist bias, not a response to authentic imbalance or injustice. Not philosophy, right? Jumping on the easy old social programming bandwagon. Because of course, you’re going to need it when your daughter hits puberty in this dysfunctional world, and you are met with a serious contender.

Handy Hubby repeats, no honest enterprise ever got a union that was not deserved. The union provides protection against the unfair master as the power of promiscuity provides to the unfair sexual union. I bare the cost of our union, as a woman, more than you. If you want me to stay faithful, make my day.

How you love to leave out the co-creative dynamic. The system you are engendering is still, as in centuries past, the feminine in service to the masculine.  How’s that been working out for us so far?

I’m not saying the exaltation of the opposite as we see now pushed so savagely by the Left and the ‘New Age’ movement is the answer, not at all!

But I don’t see your deviation saving us at all from the dichotomous meme. Embrace Trump, cause women get paid better, or just cause he’s the opposite, or just cause that means we “win” and wow.  The master becomes more shallow and blinded than his student. It’s as simple as that. Well then otherwise, embrace Hillary, that’s your choice. So, I’m on the verge of vomit. The double-bind. Welcome to democracy.

Seriously, I don’t see how you’re helping that much, regression is so distasteful.

You’ve lost your objectivity, Stefan Molyneux, or I was terribly mistaken you ever had any.  If you’re serious about your mission, you’ll make some attempt to get independently-minded women on your side.  All those ‘Leave it to Beaver Moms’ you hope to find ready to fight for liberty, not your best option.  You are missing your market entirely.  They are too busy raising your perfect kids to have the time to fight the real battle and they certainly don’t have the power or left-over energy to get you to see reason through your nonsense.

Embrace those gender roles nonetheless, right into complete myopic social dysfunction, because that’s what Trump wants.  Bonding with narcissistic dysfunction will surely help your cause.

Oh good grief, am I being sarcastic and passive-aggressive?  Good God I hope so, that means I’ve learned from my masters.